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Above is the fine line that exist between those two options.
I find myself giving of myself alot. And sometimes to a point where I have neglected myself and what I need. I always find it hard to ask of people to meet my needs because I usually know what's on their plate and they are busy. These requests usually for me, because its my love language, is to spend more quality time with each other. This requires time and energy and sometimes people don't have that to give.
I've been going back and forth with this idea alot lately in relation to a couple of friendships I have. The other day I was doing my daily phone calls and messaging on the way home from work (45 minute drive) and thought to myself...Self, If you stopped checking in with people or sending them your thoughts throughout the day, would they notice?? Hmmm....I say. Part of me wanted to put down the phone and not share myself with anyone and I've done that before. However, within minutes, I feel loneliness beginning to creep in. See, for me, to give is to gain in relationships. I get to encourage and give to others and in turn they are filled. If I'm unable to be given the opportunity to share life with others and be involved then my heart is empty.
I find this true with my relationship with Matthew as well. I want to be with him and teaching, playing, sharing everything... you know, making him into the next Nobel Prize winner...while we are together and sometimes he just wants to sit and be. Being is good and he has taught me this alot. Sharing time and life together doesn't have to be a deep heart to heart everytime and I don't expect that. However, that is a need for me to know people's hearts, so I hope that conversations go there every once in a while.
What I'm learning about this is that I cannot expect everyone else to do this for me, understand this, or go at the same pace of frienships that I do. As I spoke with a new friend, she said "You've got to be patient with other people." And we discussed how I make a bee-line for people and am intentional about getting to know them. That's probably not the norm, but it's mine.
I don't think any of the ways I relate to people are bad, it's just me and who I am. But I've work with other people to reach our mutual goals in the relationship. In order to get my needs met, I've got to meet the needs of others and vice versa. It's a balance and in order to be the best wife, mother, or friend then I need to live in that balance.
I've been going back and forth with this idea alot lately in relation to a couple of friendships I have. The other day I was doing my daily phone calls and messaging on the way home from work (45 minute drive) and thought to myself...Self, If you stopped checking in with people or sending them your thoughts throughout the day, would they notice?? Hmmm....I say. Part of me wanted to put down the phone and not share myself with anyone and I've done that before. However, within minutes, I feel loneliness beginning to creep in. See, for me, to give is to gain in relationships. I get to encourage and give to others and in turn they are filled. If I'm unable to be given the opportunity to share life with others and be involved then my heart is empty.
I find this true with my relationship with Matthew as well. I want to be with him and teaching, playing, sharing everything... you know, making him into the next Nobel Prize winner...while we are together and sometimes he just wants to sit and be. Being is good and he has taught me this alot. Sharing time and life together doesn't have to be a deep heart to heart everytime and I don't expect that. However, that is a need for me to know people's hearts, so I hope that conversations go there every once in a while.
What I'm learning about this is that I cannot expect everyone else to do this for me, understand this, or go at the same pace of frienships that I do. As I spoke with a new friend, she said "You've got to be patient with other people." And we discussed how I make a bee-line for people and am intentional about getting to know them. That's probably not the norm, but it's mine.
I don't think any of the ways I relate to people are bad, it's just me and who I am. But I've work with other people to reach our mutual goals in the relationship. In order to get my needs met, I've got to meet the needs of others and vice versa. It's a balance and in order to be the best wife, mother, or friend then I need to live in that balance.
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