Reciprocity Reflection

Lately the idea of reciprocity has been on my mind, specifically in how that looks in relationships. I'm a giver in relationships and absolutely not to sound prideful but I'm a really good friend. Mainly because I'm loyal to the end, you know, like a dog getting pulled behind the truck...too graphic?!!? Sorry. But I believe so strongly in friendships and family that I give and give to them out of the overflow of my heart. I desire for people to know that they are important, prayed for, thought about, and missed. However, lately I have become weary of continuing to do this.

Thoughts like "What's the point?" or "Why can't they call me or text me?" have begun to creep into my mind. These are not my true intentions but I have to embrace them as my reality right now. I think it is human nature for people, including myself, to want a "Good job" "thank you" or "I appreciate it or you". And I think we should give those comments more as well. My dearest friend reminded me of the verse that says "Don't go weary of doing good." Hello there conviction...I wondered where you were hiding.

The verse coupled with some things I heard last night while watching a simulcast of a Anne Graham Lotz presentation, really brought things home for me. I realized that, yes, I'm doing good things with giving to others. But I have discovered that I've existed so much for other people (again, a good thing) that I have lost closeness and touch with my God who gives me that purpose and meaning to begin with. I found myself this morning realizing that I've been looking for everyone else to meet a need that God has already met, continues to meet, and will always want to meet in my life. All I need to do is be still and stop "doing good" in order to hear how much He loves me, is proud of me, His thankfulness for my works, etc, etc, etc.

This allowed for me to feel alot of freedom as I had been continually disappointed by friends and family that "should know" what I need and should be meeting my needs of reciprocity. Really, am I that vain and/or deserving?!!?  No, Pam. You're not! But I'm grateful that I follow a God that sends grace and restores my soul. I'm excited to see what comes next because I feel like this was something that needed to get out of the way so the next step could come along.

Do you feel alone or grow weary of doing good? Do you, do I,  realize that we are to give ourselves away? There needs to be a source however that we can be plugged into to keep us charged. When I, and maybe you, switch to finding that reciprocation in others, they will fail you. I causes frustration, doubt, and selfishness...all things that are not productive or meaningful in any way. May we come to a place where we are giving more of ourselves away than we are keeping for ourselves and see what rewards we might reap from that.