Marci

Dear Marci,

You are my oldest (by age and otherwise) friend and I count you as the best friend a girl could dream of. We have some serious friendship history and that is unique to us. I have no other friend that has been around for 17 years, gone through awkward (and hormonal) junior high and high school years, trips to Colorado, older sibling fights, dating, love and loss, driving me to school because you are MUCH older than me, being roommates with me freshman year, Celine Dion sing offs, engagement, marriage, and now kiddos. Funny thing about us is that we've done all those major things pretty close together, especially our marriage a week a part from each other. I'm grateful that we didn't have kids at the same time because I wanted you to pave the way for that one so I could learn all the things not to do and to do and what to expect from you!!!! And sure enough, here you come running to the hospital while I'm fighting through contractions to tell me I can do it.

Seriously though, I am eternally grateful to you. It's like God knew that I would need someone to be there with me through those major committments and activities in my life and that person has always been you. I'm thankful that you have come and you have been that support for me when I needed it. I can only hope that I have met you in your need as much as you have me. Your parents have been an example to me as well through the years of generosity and committment to each other. And now I see those same things ringing true for you and Kyle's relationship and family. I'm so very proud of you and the woman you have come to be. You love deeply and have a genuine concern for those people you care about and are close to. I'm just thankful that I'm on the receiving end of that.

We go weeks without talking with each other (though we wish we didn't), and we pick up the phone or go to lunch and its like it was yesterday. That's uncommon with people these days, but there is just something different and unique about our friendship. I never wonder if we aren't friends or get upset that we haven't talked, and neither do you (that you've told me) we just truly accept each other for who we are and what we have going on.

I've had my share of crazy moments and not so nice moments but through it all you have stuck by my side. One thing I'm grateful for is that you always loved me but you told me when you thought things weren't right. I know you are true to your values and that stuck with me. You mean what you say and say what you mean, which has reached deep into my heart through the years. Since we've become mom's I have appreciated that even more. You have been quick to encourage me in my efforts but also been real with me. That helped me more than any book, advice, or whatever. I knew I wasn't the only one and you let me be real and cry on your shoulder or call when Matthew wouldn't sleep, or discuss how much milk do I give this thing that keeps spitting it back at me?!!?  You were there loving me through it all.

 I respect you as a friend, wife, mother of 2!!, and woman. There is never a doubt that if I need something you are the person I call. You get me and you understand where I'm coming from and you respect me for that. I always have your support no matter what and you have always been my #1. Of course, we always laugh when we're together and can laugh at each other as well. That has brought us through many a time.

Marci, you have been that friend to me that people always dream about, I just got lucky and got you for 17 years AND counting!!! I hope you feel appreciated, loved, and that you have a safe place to land in this friend as well because that is what you have given me.

For you I am grateful.

Matthew

Dear Matthew,

You have given me so much and you are just two years old. Life is totally different with you and it seems to be more completed with your arrival. You are so vibrant, full of life, and such a kind and loving kid. Daddy and I talk all the time that we got REALLY lucky when God gave us you. Life hasn't always been lucky for us, so we certainly count you as a blessing above all.

I'm grateful for just your life. When I think of how you were created, grew, and all the developments since then I am amazed at the power of God. He truly did know you and create you and gave you special gifts and qualities. Some of those things that we have already recognized are that you are generous, kind, you may test the boundaries but there is nothing malicious that ever comes out of you. You like to be praised and seem to feel love and appreciation that way. You are very smart and observant. You notice people's faces, words, and are especially keen in picking up on people's emotions. You pay attention to details and like structure. You like to joke around and joke with us alot. You'll say something wrong on purpose and then smile at us, like only you can, and then say "No...that's not right." and correct yourself. You are a ladies man and have referred to yourself as a Flirt, as you have heard that many times from people around you. You like your family and seem to be a grateful child who doesn't need alot.

Matthew you have taught me so much that I am grateful for and the lessons attached to them. These are things that I never would have had the opportunity to grow in and learn if it weren't for you. You have taught me that I'm not an expert in everything but I don't have to be, you love me just for who I am...your Mommy. You've shown me a simple faith and simplicity in life that is inspiring as we don't have to allow the weight of the world to suck that simplicity out of us. You are so quick to show love and forgiving of us when we don't do things right, don't understand, or just need a hug or kiss. Laughter can cure all kinds of things and your laugh is something I would love to pipe into the worlds speakers so that all could smile. You have taught me humility as you seek to say and do things just like me or your Daddy. Knowing that you are watching us so closely makes me want to do the right thing more and be focused on things of importance so that those would be the things that rub off on you. Your Daddy and I are completely responsible for you and thought honestly sometimes that overwhelms me, most of the time that spurs me on to be the best for you. You give grace and love just as my God does to me as well when I'm not the best. I just have to give my best to you and that's enough.

Matthew, life is complete with you around. I love your smile, your heart and your personality. I know that you are going to do great things in this life and trust that you will do those things for the right reasons. You are prayed for daily and loved deeply. Thank you for showing me that I can be entrusted with much and that I am loved. I am most thankful that I was chosen to be your Mommy.

For you I am grateful.

David

Dear David,

Today and everyday for the past almost 14 years of my life I am grateful for you and to you. Most of all you have been the example to me of how God loves as you have loved me unconditionally and without reserve. I don't remember my days without you and that there are days ahead that I have you with me as well.

We just get each other. We laugh, alot!! and we respect each other. That last one has taken some work but once we got that lesson down, it opened up another level of love for each of us. That's really what our relationship is...constantly working and moving deeper with each other. We've had our fair share of trials and rough times but we've prevailed because we know there is a deeper committment and meaning in our relationship. We're not going to jump ship on each other, those tough times are the times to be clinging on to each other like never before. I love that our relationship was founded and based in friendship. We truly are best friends and are able to enjoy our times together and also know each other well.

I'm thankful for your leadership in our family, for the way you put your hand on my back when we're in a crowd, for your laugh and your smile, for the way you light up when you hear Matthew say "Daddy", for countless conversations and "brainstorming" times, for Excel spreadsheets that you do so well (and I love to hate sooo much) to keep our finances in check, for your committment to God, me and Matthew, for your hard work at every single thing you do, for your pursuit of me, for the way you forgive, for your dry sense of humor and the way you tease people, for your support in my endeavors, even when you don't understand them, for knowing me and still loving me, for loving to just be at home together, for your intense, never ending, always professing love of the Dallas Cowboys, and for knowing me and being proud of me.

You are my better half and the joy of my heart. Life is not life without you and today and everyday is new and exciting with you. There are many things that you give me in life, but the one that I am most grateful for is that you gave me all of you. May I be ever mindful of the powerful gift you gave me in that.

For you, I am grateful.

God

Dear God,

I have much to be grateful to you for. You are the source of life, you are grace, you are direction, you are truth, you are faithful and you are just. And you have been all those things in my life. Without you I have and would be lost and clinging to life alone and unstructured. I've believed in you since I was little, and have grown into a woman who understands more of the decision I made when I was little. There have been instances along the way that you have broken me of my will (which is a strong one) and have brought me into a deeper knowledge of you. Those times have shown me more of what you are to me, such as loving, gracious, a parent that will and needs to discipline His children, perspective, and truth.

I am most thankful that you are involved in my life. You don't leave me when I get something, you push me on to do more and to gain more understanding. If only I was willing to let go and dig in deeper more, how much more would you show me and direct me?!?!  I also am thankful that you allow me to be real with you. And in turn I receive love from you in my weaknesses and in turn you give me opportunity to share that love with others. You have been an example to me of what it means to be a servant and to be gracious and involved with other people. You were and still are a hands-on God. You still get your hands messy in my life and others and expect us to do the same. Thank you for that example and that you are not a far off God that only wants to dictate.

Another area of thankfulness is that you give me purpose and meaning in life. You have confirmed my efforts to be a social worker and work with people that are hurting in life and try to bring about hope in their life. Each day  I have a reason, other than a paycheck, to get up and do it again. I thank you that there is more to what I do than a job description and that you have given me eternal perspective in my job. You have placed a "calling" over my life to serve those that are hurting and in need, socially unacceptable, abused or abusers, the "outcasts" of society, the ones that are stuck in the valleys of life. I praise you each day that you give me the strength and passion to go meet them where they are and hopefully just be Jesus to them.

You are faithful, true, open, loving, just, and the main thing I have to be thankful for. Everything I have has come from you therefore you deserve all the praise for anyone else mentioned here. You have woven my life together with many other people and have used them in my life to share with me and love me. May I be what you want me to be personally, professionally, and in everything. Thank you for loving me first and for giving me the opportunity to give that love away to others.

For you I am grateful.

Journey of Thankfulness

I know its cliche but I'm going to do it anyway. I will be blogging here the next few weeks about things I'm thankful for. However, I'll be doing it a little bit differently, as I don't want to do anything too mainstream...wink, wink.

Each day I will be choosing a person in my life that I am thankful for...only people...not things. And will be writing them a letter of gratitude here. They will be specific and related to that unique relationship that we have together. This to me will be a great way of specifically showing thankfulness to the most important things in my life....people.

Note:  I'm going to probably miss some people and for that I can only apologize if you feel slighted.

Spiritual Discipline

This past week I had taken off from work and really took that time to not do anything. I am such a do-er that I never find time to just be and listen. This flaw in me had caught up with me causing some weariness and just lack luster in life. So last week I decided to place myself in a retreat, a place of calm and serene, and get my focus back on what it needed to be. To say I was blessed in that process would be an understatement.

As stated before in this blog, Psalm 23 has been on my heart alot and allowing God to be the Shepherd of my life. This requires alot and here are some lessons I learned about myself this past week in light of allowing God to shepherd my life.

• I cannot control every aspect of my life, nor should I try. I do not need to know the details of God's plan for my life, I simply need to know Him.
• I've got to ask for help....a practice that I have not utilized but am beginning to and its helpful.
• Guilt and worry are not of God, therefore if I can recognize that I can get my focus back fairly quickly.
• There are lots of times to talk about God to others but what I'm called to do right now in my life is to talk to God.
• There is power in prayer and I need to rely on it more. I have a BIG test coming up on November 17th that I pridefully was only going to tell some people about. God really convicted me of this and said "Pam, are you really going to let your pride be more than My power?" Yes. was the answer to that question but its changed. If God has given me a purpose for my life and confirmed that time and time again, why would He not be with me in obtaining to tools necessary to complete that purpose?!?!
• I have family and friends that care about me and want the best for me and I need to stop and listen to what they have to say more. I get caught up in giving so much that God is wanting to bless me as well, but I've got to allow it to happen and not excuse it away.
• I have alot of opportunities to be involved in some good things through church, my work and my home but this God was really calling for me to place him above all that and allow Him to work more in my life and let me rest in Him and His purpose....a good place to be.

So, all of this really narrowed down to me needing spiritual discipline in my life. Not discipline like I give Matthew...Don't do that, Don't touch that, We can't spit food, yada, yada, yada. I don't believe that God is someone that is waiting to catch us to tell us "no" all the time. He is wanting to open up the floodgates for us but He requires obedience and sacrifice for that. Spiritual discipline creates an avenue in our life to get rid of the extra stuff that clouds our judgment, discernment, and prespective. It allows us to see God for more of what He is rather than what He's not. And ultimately allows us to open our hearts up more to a life of service and sacrifice to a greater good.

To say this week was good is an understatement. I am right where I need to be and able to let go of alot of things that just were making me blah. I'm feeling refreshed, renewed, and back to myself...which is a good place to be.

Giving to Others

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

It is always nice to be on the receiving end of a friendship. Something is going on, good or bad, having someone to confide in, and many more things that we love to get out of our friendships. I would argue that it is so much more of a blessing to be on the giving end of that relationship. (Granted, there is a balance of giving too much and never receiving for yourself, but friends, that's a WHOLE different beast to be covered another time).

The quote above I think sums up what a true and deep friendship would look like. 

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.

 I'm sure there are times in your life, just as there are in mine, times when you just aren't strong and wanting that leadership role. People may look to you for that role but its times like this a friend needs to recognize and come up from behind you and stand beside you. There have been so many times in my life where I was struggling to make it and probably just faking to make it, and someone has come along and carried my burden some. What would that look like for you...to come out from behind someone and help them? Is there someone in your life that you need to support in some way? They may be longing for you to step up, out of the shadows and carry them through.

Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.

Now I'll confess, I do this alot in relationships. And I have learned over the past several months with a close friend that sometimes the best thing for me to do is to stop and just be with them. I love people dearly, God has given me that passion, but loving people unrestrained can create a falseness in your relationships. I love to come in and "Save the Day" but that may not be what people need. My family and close friends mean the world to me and I want to fight for them, but I need to fight with them. I have been broken in this lately and realized that I was doing this in order to be needed but I need to be doing this because the Spirit prompted me. Same results, but two very different approaches.

Do you need to step back and see the needs of others? What is your motive for walking in front of someone? Are you losing your friendship/relationship because you are focused on doing rather than being? All questions that help me.

Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Is this not the heart's cry of anyone and everyone? We all have a desire to be needed and loved. Many people long for someone to even just recognize their hurt or need and reach out to them. But many times we are wrapped up in ourselves, our families, our jobs, our lives that we forget to see the needs of others. What would walking beside someone look like for you? It's could be just small, consistent things that let someone know that you are thinking of them. Or, maybe they are on your mind so you call them or text them. Or it could be bigger things, crisis or need and they just need you to be there for them...not teaching, leading, encouraging, or pushing...just being there. There is something to be said of just being in the prescence of someone and journeying with them that can bring about more blessings than you can imagine. Does this open you up for hurt and pain? Absolutely. But there is something to be said of someone who can take a little bit of someone's burden for their own so they don't have to carry it all.

This happened to me this week and I was privelaged to be with a friend that was at a time of need. God taught me more about myself than I feel like I was able to give to her. I wanted to tell her many things from my experiences, I wanted to be physically present with her, I wanted to tell her its okay, or even fight the battle for her....but, that's not being a friend. All that was needed was for me to be still and present in her time of hurt and to be with her when the time was right. Any other approach other than walking along someone, in the mud and on the nicely paved road, is not what is needed.

Friends are valuable and vital in my life. My hope is that every day I leave my relationships better than when I found them. Join me in that...