So I think I had forgotten how much of a worrier I become when I'm pregnant. Of course, I think I thought that the second one, I would know what to expect, I know everything turns out okay, and ultimately worry doesn't help anything (one HUGE lesson Matthew taught me). But here I am worrying. Honestly I don't consider myself a worrier or a person who is fearful. But there is one thing in life that can trump all those things and turn me into a nervous Nelly....the unknown.
Some history...
When I was about 14 weeks along with Matthew we were in the emergency room with a significant bleeding issue. The doctor termed it "a threatened miscarriage" and set us up for an ultrasound. At the ultrasound the technician said "Do you want to see your baby?" Not knowing if I did or not I looked up to David and he gave me the protective "Do it" nod. Gratefully we saw Matthew jumping and moving (I still cling to that moment as a time of God's lesson in faithfulness, provision and grace).
We were sent home for 4 days for me to rest and follow up with my doctor and were told that they were not sure if the pregnancy would last. Those were some long days but I know that it happened for a reason and obviously we were blessed with a healthy, VERY active little boy.
Fast forward...
Last night I think the devil really got a hold of my mind...which is easy to do at 2am!! (Darn pregnancy potty breaks in the middle of the night). At this point, I've only felt flutters of movement, nothing that can be felt with your hand and I know we have a strong heartbeat that we heard only a few weeks ago. But because I Don't Know then I began to worry and wonder "What if...Jellybean's ok, I'm doing everything right for eating and nutrition, am I doing too much, do I need to rest more, do I need to change...how can I be the best shelter for my little one???
For those of you that have had kids know that there is an immediate love for your child, even before you see them with your own eyes. And as much love I feel for Matthew and Jellybean, there is even more of a sense of protection for them. And I think that went overboard last night. I believe I allowed my creative juices to take over and to keep me from the truth that I know. Which is....God is faithful in the past, present and future. By worrying I steal time away from focusing myself on Him and His purposes for Jellybean and me. I do not know what will happen, but I know I have right now and I will do all that I can TODAY to make Jellybean comfortable and healthy. Everything else, I do not have any control over so I relinquish that over to whoever wants it.
It's no walk in the park being a mom, but I wouldn't trade any lessons, tears, joys, or crisis for anything else in the world. God truly does bless you through your children and I feel as though they are rays of sunshine shown down on my life to grow me, love me and show me that my life has purpose and meaning. God entrusted me with two lives now and for that I can't ask for more....what an honor!!!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Excess
Our small group Bible study just got done reading a book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. The premise of the book was for the author to go through different period of fasting in the following areas: Food, Clothes, Possessions, Media, Waste, Spending and Stress. Each of these topics were tackled for one month. Though I may not go to the extremes that she did, I valued some of the topics and points that she made....and some enough to begin to make some changes of my own.
We all have. I don't know where you are and what you have, and don't really want to know, but I know for David and I we have much. But my attitude and my priorities may not show that all the time. I would like to be categorized as financially in-control, dedicated to the cause of being frugal, generous with everything I have, including my time, things, and talents, and focused on others before myself. But sometimes, I find myself being a free-spirit (thank you Dave Ramsey for that identification), frequent and deeply devoted consumer, and oblivious to the big picture of how small things add up, accumulate, and clutter my house, life, mind and purpose. This book allowed me to take some intentional time to begin to become aware of what I have and where I need to give. And not only give to get rid of, but to specifically meet the needs of someone else out of my sacrifice and discomfort.
This thought began with the following excerpt from the book....which I strongly encourage you to give some thought to the following questions:
We all have. I don't know where you are and what you have, and don't really want to know, but I know for David and I we have much. But my attitude and my priorities may not show that all the time. I would like to be categorized as financially in-control, dedicated to the cause of being frugal, generous with everything I have, including my time, things, and talents, and focused on others before myself. But sometimes, I find myself being a free-spirit (thank you Dave Ramsey for that identification), frequent and deeply devoted consumer, and oblivious to the big picture of how small things add up, accumulate, and clutter my house, life, mind and purpose. This book allowed me to take some intentional time to begin to become aware of what I have and where I need to give. And not only give to get rid of, but to specifically meet the needs of someone else out of my sacrifice and discomfort.
This thought began with the following excerpt from the book....which I strongly encourage you to give some thought to the following questions:
1. What in my life, if taken away, would alter my value or identity?
2. What causes an unhealthy change of attitude, personality, or focus when "it" becomes threatened?
3. What is the thing outside of God that you put everything else on hold for?
Those questions began a process throughout examining the seven above mentioned areas addressed in this book. I know of hand that my family, my comfort, my plans are things that dictate when and how I help. This is unfortunate seeing that sharing of my time, talents and possessions could teach my child more about life and how to be a generous person. Sometimes I find that I use my good things in life as an excuse to not flourish in other good things in life. I will be the first person, however, to promote healthy boundaries in our lives and to not live life doing everything half-ass. That will burn you out to where you don't do anything well. But if there is a need, there is a passion of yours behind it, and a calling on your heart to give, we should all do this.
So I have initiated some "fasting" principles in my life to allow my heart, mind and soul to come back to the humble place they belong. (David always gets nervous when I read books like this because he knows he's about to have to protect everything in his possession from the Pam arm swipe, that shows no mercy, into the Going to Goodwill bag.....we're a good match and truly balance each other out). The way I define fasting is the way the Bible and a point in the book explained:
But God's idea of a fast is less about what we're against and more about waht we are for. "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice, and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"(Isaiah 58:6-7) When we hear "fast", we put on a yoke of self-denial.What God said "fast" He meant to take off the yoke of oppression. The Isaiah 58 fast is not about the mechanics of abstinence; it is a fast from self-obsession, greed, apathy, and elitism.
So, I no longer have a Facebook app on my phone as that constantly distracted me from the things of importance. Sorry guys...I really don't need/want to know what you're up to that badly and it might just cause us to talk more often. I don't want to hear about your exciting news unless its over dinner or coffee or a phone call. I will initiate those more...watch out.
The TV does not come on the minute we walk in the door from work/school. Matthew and I have had the best, uninterrupted times since we've done this. We play outside, we actually talk, I get to see him blossom and grow his personality...I have a relationship with my son that is 100% devoted to him at that moment. Mickey Mouse, you're cramping my style.
I do not have my phone on the coffee table at night, it is on my dresser. This is so I can truly capture those moments with my spouse that are without a child and without distraction. These are precious moments for us to be support and love for each other at the end of busy days in each of our lives. You're phone call or text can wait until I'm done being the best wife I can be to him.
As we are preparing for another child, downsizing is actually the word on my mind, which seems backwards. We don't need or want more things, we have enough to clothe, love and grow our child, but others may not be so fortunate. So, if its not absolutely necessary, its gone. Depending on the gender of our Jellybean, there may be much more that we are excited to give to others in need.
Those are just a few things of note...I'm still sorting through this and want this to really captivate my thoughts. Dave Ramsey already did an overhaul on my spending habits and helped me develop a conscience...yuck!! But I have seen positive fruit glean from that.
In summary, my prayer became the following for others and how I may shape my life to show love to others.
I won't defile my blessings by imagining that I deserve them. Until every human receives the dignity I casually enjoy, I pray my heart aches with tension and my belly rumbles for injustice. "The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: 'If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?' But the good Samaritan reversed the question: 'If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" --Martin Luther King, Jr.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Christmas Reflections
When you have a two year old in the house during Christmas, it is almost impossible NOT to get into the Christmas spirit. And our house is no exception to that. We are fascinated by the lights, trees, Frosty's, Santa's, and anything Christmas. It is fun, exciting and the anticipation is Killing us.
I was reminded as well, by my two year old sweet son, about the real meaning of Christmas last night. (There is truly is an innocence portrayed through my son that I wish I possessed in my faith). As we were coming in from our daily walk he made it a point to tell us that "We need to say night, night to Baby Jesus." He walked right over to our nativity scene outside and patted Jesus and said Night, Night. He then pointed to Joseph and Mary and said "They're praying (referencing their folded hands)." My heart was flooded as I saw a simple recognition from my son as to the importance of who Jesus is. I have countless memories and times in my life to that point to God's power, sovereignty, and faithfulness in my life, do I just simply stop and praise Him and recognize Him for who He is???
So I continued to reflect on this, coupled with our sermon this past Sunday and began to understand a couple of new truths/understandings for myself this Christmas.
The first of those being that Jesus came for everyone. I've always understood that intellectually but received a new picture of that this year. In Luke 2:11 the angel of the Lord tells the Shepard's "Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." Shepard's in that day were the rejects, the failures, the ones last picked for the team. They were viewed as dishonest and mischievous. However, in spite of those traits, they were the first people God chose to share the good news with. They were probably never given privileged information, they probably never were in the inner circle, but God saw them differently...he saw them as worthy to know that His son had come just for them....a Savior has been born TO YOU!!! I can almost see them saying "Me?!!? Really?!?!" We all have received this for unto us we have been given Christ and we did nothing to deserve it. He came to the shepard's in their need and He continues to come near to us today. God saw the specific need for Christ in their life and mine and provided His son to fill that need in our lives.
As I look around my house and think back when I was pregnant with Matthew, there was ALOT of preparation. ALOT!!! Our house was and still is full of things to clothe him, bathe him, feed him and entertain him. He lacks for nothing and we are blessed to be able to provide that for him. As I looked at my son and realizing that he is grasping some key concepts of life, I was amazed at how big he had become. Not only physically but mentally he is growing leaps and bounds. Then, this morning, I read Luke 2: 7 "and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." My first realization was that the King of Kings came into this world humble and all his needs were met...as well as all of mine through His life.
Secondly, I admire Mary and discovered a little more about her through these verses. She delivered her baby, not at Hillcrest, with plenty of people around to help and care for things, but just with her husband and in a barn. But you know what, she did the best with what she had. Love prevailed from her and overflowed into taking care of her newborn. So many times, I'm sure I get stuck in "We need this...it will make things easier." But we don't, we have what we need and in this case with Mary....Love truly did hold things together.
I also wonder, if I would make room for someone, maybe even the mother and father of the Lord, in my home if asked? What hospitality and generosity am I getting caught up in this year? Am I so focused on my family and the activity inside my home, that I forget to recognize the need that is knocking on my door? And if I do answer it do I provide with my "barn" or do I give them my best, the master suite? There are people that need...am I reaching out and being the gift of life to them, just like Jesus was that gift to me.
There is alot to think about this Christmas. I think the "festivities" of Christmas are good and healthy as they allow us to have fun and see the sparkles in everyone eyes. I challenge myself, my family, and others to take more than a moment, but some time each day to realize that without a small child's life coming near to us at Christmas, these things would be worthless and without purpose. Find yourself reminiscing on the meanings and truths of Christmas and I pray you are blessed.
Merry Christmas.
I was reminded as well, by my two year old sweet son, about the real meaning of Christmas last night. (There is truly is an innocence portrayed through my son that I wish I possessed in my faith). As we were coming in from our daily walk he made it a point to tell us that "We need to say night, night to Baby Jesus." He walked right over to our nativity scene outside and patted Jesus and said Night, Night. He then pointed to Joseph and Mary and said "They're praying (referencing their folded hands)." My heart was flooded as I saw a simple recognition from my son as to the importance of who Jesus is. I have countless memories and times in my life to that point to God's power, sovereignty, and faithfulness in my life, do I just simply stop and praise Him and recognize Him for who He is???
So I continued to reflect on this, coupled with our sermon this past Sunday and began to understand a couple of new truths/understandings for myself this Christmas.
The first of those being that Jesus came for everyone. I've always understood that intellectually but received a new picture of that this year. In Luke 2:11 the angel of the Lord tells the Shepard's "Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." Shepard's in that day were the rejects, the failures, the ones last picked for the team. They were viewed as dishonest and mischievous. However, in spite of those traits, they were the first people God chose to share the good news with. They were probably never given privileged information, they probably never were in the inner circle, but God saw them differently...he saw them as worthy to know that His son had come just for them....a Savior has been born TO YOU!!! I can almost see them saying "Me?!!? Really?!?!" We all have received this for unto us we have been given Christ and we did nothing to deserve it. He came to the shepard's in their need and He continues to come near to us today. God saw the specific need for Christ in their life and mine and provided His son to fill that need in our lives.
As I look around my house and think back when I was pregnant with Matthew, there was ALOT of preparation. ALOT!!! Our house was and still is full of things to clothe him, bathe him, feed him and entertain him. He lacks for nothing and we are blessed to be able to provide that for him. As I looked at my son and realizing that he is grasping some key concepts of life, I was amazed at how big he had become. Not only physically but mentally he is growing leaps and bounds. Then, this morning, I read Luke 2: 7 "and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." My first realization was that the King of Kings came into this world humble and all his needs were met...as well as all of mine through His life.
Secondly, I admire Mary and discovered a little more about her through these verses. She delivered her baby, not at Hillcrest, with plenty of people around to help and care for things, but just with her husband and in a barn. But you know what, she did the best with what she had. Love prevailed from her and overflowed into taking care of her newborn. So many times, I'm sure I get stuck in "We need this...it will make things easier." But we don't, we have what we need and in this case with Mary....Love truly did hold things together.
I also wonder, if I would make room for someone, maybe even the mother and father of the Lord, in my home if asked? What hospitality and generosity am I getting caught up in this year? Am I so focused on my family and the activity inside my home, that I forget to recognize the need that is knocking on my door? And if I do answer it do I provide with my "barn" or do I give them my best, the master suite? There are people that need...am I reaching out and being the gift of life to them, just like Jesus was that gift to me.
There is alot to think about this Christmas. I think the "festivities" of Christmas are good and healthy as they allow us to have fun and see the sparkles in everyone eyes. I challenge myself, my family, and others to take more than a moment, but some time each day to realize that without a small child's life coming near to us at Christmas, these things would be worthless and without purpose. Find yourself reminiscing on the meanings and truths of Christmas and I pray you are blessed.
Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
What do you Say?
What do you say when someone says "You've changed my life." or, "You have inspired me to be a better person and I am really grateful to have met you." Well, thank you, of course. But from there I'm not really sure. Those two statements were told to me this week by two seperate individuals and it got me thinking.
I don't necessarily do real well when people encourage me or tell me things like mentioned above. I feel like my role in life is to be doing the encouraging, not receiving it. However, through a friends challenge, I have begun to let myself hear these things and not excuse them away. If I'm honest about it, when I hear those things, I don't feel deserving of them. And on the other side of that, I don't want to become prideful about myself. It's a delicate balance between the two alternatives.
What have I done to make someone think that their life has been changed by me? Well, as I think about it and go back to my thinking about my spiritual gifts...I am good at being with people, encouraging them, and sharing in their life. I'm not afraid of hurt, pain, taboo things, difficulties, etc. In fact, I find myself talking about those things more easily than surface things like the weather. I have been gifted in this area and that is unique to me, there are people that can't do that. I journey with people in life. I don't have alot of close friends for a reason. I want to be able to be intentional and meaningful with the ones I have. So, if I refuse to hear the good things I'm doing in people's lives, in essence I feel as though I'm denying the blessing that God has given me. I'm not fully allowing God to develop His plan and His purposes in my relationships and work because I don't think I deserve it. Well, it ain't about me and I need to allow God's perspective to blow open the box I've put him in and be willing to say "Here am I."
How have you kept God in your own box and limited His abilities to work through you?
As I was discussing these things with a friend the other night I began to become aware of my realm of influence. People are watching me and observing my life. This could be intimidating, it is certainly humbling for sure. But I was challenged to think of that as a motivating factor over my life. Because of these people, I can strive to live my life with purpose, meaning, genuineness and discipline. Without this silent accountability, what would be the point? I would be doing things for myself and not sharing the lessons and life that has been given to me. I have, and will continue, to make mistakes. Big mistakes that brought me to my knees and smaller ones that kind of just flick me on the head. Those mistakes that I'm going to make are my reality. I'm not perfect. But my heart would be, how do I respond and act when I do make those mistakes? I think people are watching for the mistake, but what may surprise them is how you respond. I hope that in my attempts to become real and genuine that I have shown people that there is hope and always a second chance in life.
How have you opened yourself up to allow people to watch your life?
So, I say thank you. And I don't take those statements lightly that are told to me. I have things coming up in my life that could expand this level of influence --beginning my therapist position at the beginning of the year and beginning a Celebrate Recovery program at our church this year. These things will allow me to do what I've been called to do, and I personally feel like I'm good at (and I shouldn't be ashamed to say that). It's an exciting time with lots of room for growth. Life is an exciting ride and I hope that I follow the path of meeting people where they are and being passionate about giving some level of hope and power back to people.
I don't necessarily do real well when people encourage me or tell me things like mentioned above. I feel like my role in life is to be doing the encouraging, not receiving it. However, through a friends challenge, I have begun to let myself hear these things and not excuse them away. If I'm honest about it, when I hear those things, I don't feel deserving of them. And on the other side of that, I don't want to become prideful about myself. It's a delicate balance between the two alternatives.
What have I done to make someone think that their life has been changed by me? Well, as I think about it and go back to my thinking about my spiritual gifts...I am good at being with people, encouraging them, and sharing in their life. I'm not afraid of hurt, pain, taboo things, difficulties, etc. In fact, I find myself talking about those things more easily than surface things like the weather. I have been gifted in this area and that is unique to me, there are people that can't do that. I journey with people in life. I don't have alot of close friends for a reason. I want to be able to be intentional and meaningful with the ones I have. So, if I refuse to hear the good things I'm doing in people's lives, in essence I feel as though I'm denying the blessing that God has given me. I'm not fully allowing God to develop His plan and His purposes in my relationships and work because I don't think I deserve it. Well, it ain't about me and I need to allow God's perspective to blow open the box I've put him in and be willing to say "Here am I."
How have you kept God in your own box and limited His abilities to work through you?
As I was discussing these things with a friend the other night I began to become aware of my realm of influence. People are watching me and observing my life. This could be intimidating, it is certainly humbling for sure. But I was challenged to think of that as a motivating factor over my life. Because of these people, I can strive to live my life with purpose, meaning, genuineness and discipline. Without this silent accountability, what would be the point? I would be doing things for myself and not sharing the lessons and life that has been given to me. I have, and will continue, to make mistakes. Big mistakes that brought me to my knees and smaller ones that kind of just flick me on the head. Those mistakes that I'm going to make are my reality. I'm not perfect. But my heart would be, how do I respond and act when I do make those mistakes? I think people are watching for the mistake, but what may surprise them is how you respond. I hope that in my attempts to become real and genuine that I have shown people that there is hope and always a second chance in life.
How have you opened yourself up to allow people to watch your life?
So, I say thank you. And I don't take those statements lightly that are told to me. I have things coming up in my life that could expand this level of influence --beginning my therapist position at the beginning of the year and beginning a Celebrate Recovery program at our church this year. These things will allow me to do what I've been called to do, and I personally feel like I'm good at (and I shouldn't be ashamed to say that). It's an exciting time with lots of room for growth. Life is an exciting ride and I hope that I follow the path of meeting people where they are and being passionate about giving some level of hope and power back to people.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Tim and Samantha
Dear Tim,
You are a great big brother. We haven't always liked each other but I come to find now that I have a good appreciation and respect for you. As we've said, we always knew when to unite against the bigger forces, aka, our parents. We've played together, created crazy games to entertain ourselves, you let me tag along with your friends, we've supported each other. Throughout all our lives, I want you to know that I've watched you and admired you from afar.
You are an extremely hard worker and you are good at what you do. We are very different in our pursuits in life but I like that and appreciate your intelligence. You are rockets, I am feelings. You seem to know what you want in your career and life and you go after that with all you have. And that is admirable and you hopefully have and will continue to be rewarded for that. I know all the graduations and visits that we have had with you, I have been sitting there with a sense of pride to call you my brother. I enjoy being able to support you and your life, as well as receive the support and love you have for me and my family now.
I'm most thankful for our times of laughter and memories that we have together. We are able now that we are adults to just have a good time with each other. Its nice to share those times, I just wish it was a little more frequent. Selfishly I'm thankful for you giving us good vacation spots throughout the year and living in great places to visit. Though we have alot of geographic space between us, I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and heart alot. Having a big brother was the best thing for me and I'm grateful for how our relationship has grown from re-enacting Star Wars battle scenes to enjoying time together as adults. Keep up your hard work and know that I will always be proud of you and look forward to what is next for you.
For you I am grateful.
Dear Sam,
You are the best sister in law I've got. You have come into our family gracefully and it really does seem like you should have always belonged. I love having you around to share time with and just get to know. I know I can always count on you to get to watch HGTV with when you are in Texas. I enjoy having you around and your laid back, fun loving personality.
I am grateful for you choosing to be a part of our family. But most of all I am grateful for how happy you have made my brother. I remember when you guys were first dating how excited and happy he was when I would talk to him. All he wanted to tell me about was you and what you guys had been doing. You made him proud, happy, and encouraged him in his endeavors and spur him on to be better. For that I will always be grateful for you. Even more, you guys have a great balance between each other that is refreshing to see.
You bring out the best in my brother but you also are a sure, confident and professional woman. You know what you want and you are great at getting the job done. I admire your work and your professionalism as well as the fun loving side of you. You have a good balance between work and home that many people struggle to find. You believe in family and yours is important to you and a priority. Thank you for choosing my brother to love and for fitting perfectly into our family.
For you I am grateful.
You are a great big brother. We haven't always liked each other but I come to find now that I have a good appreciation and respect for you. As we've said, we always knew when to unite against the bigger forces, aka, our parents. We've played together, created crazy games to entertain ourselves, you let me tag along with your friends, we've supported each other. Throughout all our lives, I want you to know that I've watched you and admired you from afar.
You are an extremely hard worker and you are good at what you do. We are very different in our pursuits in life but I like that and appreciate your intelligence. You are rockets, I am feelings. You seem to know what you want in your career and life and you go after that with all you have. And that is admirable and you hopefully have and will continue to be rewarded for that. I know all the graduations and visits that we have had with you, I have been sitting there with a sense of pride to call you my brother. I enjoy being able to support you and your life, as well as receive the support and love you have for me and my family now.
I'm most thankful for our times of laughter and memories that we have together. We are able now that we are adults to just have a good time with each other. Its nice to share those times, I just wish it was a little more frequent. Selfishly I'm thankful for you giving us good vacation spots throughout the year and living in great places to visit. Though we have alot of geographic space between us, I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and heart alot. Having a big brother was the best thing for me and I'm grateful for how our relationship has grown from re-enacting Star Wars battle scenes to enjoying time together as adults. Keep up your hard work and know that I will always be proud of you and look forward to what is next for you.
For you I am grateful.
Dear Sam,
You are the best sister in law I've got. You have come into our family gracefully and it really does seem like you should have always belonged. I love having you around to share time with and just get to know. I know I can always count on you to get to watch HGTV with when you are in Texas. I enjoy having you around and your laid back, fun loving personality.
I am grateful for you choosing to be a part of our family. But most of all I am grateful for how happy you have made my brother. I remember when you guys were first dating how excited and happy he was when I would talk to him. All he wanted to tell me about was you and what you guys had been doing. You made him proud, happy, and encouraged him in his endeavors and spur him on to be better. For that I will always be grateful for you. Even more, you guys have a great balance between each other that is refreshing to see.
You bring out the best in my brother but you also are a sure, confident and professional woman. You know what you want and you are great at getting the job done. I admire your work and your professionalism as well as the fun loving side of you. You have a good balance between work and home that many people struggle to find. You believe in family and yours is important to you and a priority. Thank you for choosing my brother to love and for fitting perfectly into our family.
For you I am grateful.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Mom
Dear Mom,
I'm most thankful that you didn't give me away in junior high!! You threatened it but I'm glad you stuck it out with me. I'd have to say you're the lucky one now. Ha. In all seriousness, I would not be the woman, wife, mother and friend I am today if you had not been in my life teaching and modeling those things to me. Just like Daddy, you guys chose to be involved and real to us as kids. Nobody was perfect but you didn't choose to fool us into thinking you were. You modeled grace and forgiveness and allowed us to give ourselves the same grace when we fell short of the expectations.
If I could be thankful for just one lesson it would be this one: "But Pam, life's just not fair. And these are character building moments right now." You still are teaching me this and I'm almost 30. As we joke, I should be full of character by now because of all those moments. But in all seriousness, I feel like all those times when my heart was broken, I felt rejected or alone, I questioned things or people, or simply felt like there wasn't a point, those very moments have built up my heart to make me the very person I am today. It has developed a passion for the people who are hopeless and need help finding their way. It has allowed me to feel people's pain because I've had a taste of it, and its taught me that everyone needs someone to empower them and cheer them on in life. In my life, that was you and for that I will be eternally grateful.
We are best friends now and have a relationship that is built on love, respect and laughter. You have shown me through your marriage that committment and life long love is alive and real. I am thankful for that example as I seek to respect and stand by David just as you have for many years with Dad. I had no idea what to do when I became a mother and I still thank God that I had you to turn to for an example. You have sat in cold stadiums watching soccer games, you have cooked countless baked goods at the last minute for school stuff, you have allowed screaming teenage girls into your home to hang out, you have let me cry with you, you have let laugh with you (and sometimes at you), and you have given grace to me when I have hurt you.
May I just say to you that you have been the mother to me that you wanted to be. You have broken the cycle and I know I have a forever kind of love with you. You can count on me to have a chance to take care of you now when you might need it, and every day I get to spend with you is a blessing. I am thankful for how you love on Matthew and become the best Gaga for him.
I may not act like I'm watching or listening but because I have been I have seen a woman of God, forever in love with her husband who wants the best for her kids, a woman who makes people feel comfortable in her home, and a woman of confidence, love and focus. You are one strong lady and honestly, when I grow up I want to be just like you...and I think I've got a pretty good head start.
For you I am grateful.
I'm most thankful that you didn't give me away in junior high!! You threatened it but I'm glad you stuck it out with me. I'd have to say you're the lucky one now. Ha. In all seriousness, I would not be the woman, wife, mother and friend I am today if you had not been in my life teaching and modeling those things to me. Just like Daddy, you guys chose to be involved and real to us as kids. Nobody was perfect but you didn't choose to fool us into thinking you were. You modeled grace and forgiveness and allowed us to give ourselves the same grace when we fell short of the expectations.
If I could be thankful for just one lesson it would be this one: "But Pam, life's just not fair. And these are character building moments right now." You still are teaching me this and I'm almost 30. As we joke, I should be full of character by now because of all those moments. But in all seriousness, I feel like all those times when my heart was broken, I felt rejected or alone, I questioned things or people, or simply felt like there wasn't a point, those very moments have built up my heart to make me the very person I am today. It has developed a passion for the people who are hopeless and need help finding their way. It has allowed me to feel people's pain because I've had a taste of it, and its taught me that everyone needs someone to empower them and cheer them on in life. In my life, that was you and for that I will be eternally grateful.
We are best friends now and have a relationship that is built on love, respect and laughter. You have shown me through your marriage that committment and life long love is alive and real. I am thankful for that example as I seek to respect and stand by David just as you have for many years with Dad. I had no idea what to do when I became a mother and I still thank God that I had you to turn to for an example. You have sat in cold stadiums watching soccer games, you have cooked countless baked goods at the last minute for school stuff, you have allowed screaming teenage girls into your home to hang out, you have let me cry with you, you have let laugh with you (and sometimes at you), and you have given grace to me when I have hurt you.
May I just say to you that you have been the mother to me that you wanted to be. You have broken the cycle and I know I have a forever kind of love with you. You can count on me to have a chance to take care of you now when you might need it, and every day I get to spend with you is a blessing. I am thankful for how you love on Matthew and become the best Gaga for him.
I may not act like I'm watching or listening but because I have been I have seen a woman of God, forever in love with her husband who wants the best for her kids, a woman who makes people feel comfortable in her home, and a woman of confidence, love and focus. You are one strong lady and honestly, when I grow up I want to be just like you...and I think I've got a pretty good head start.
For you I am grateful.
Daddy
Dear Dad,
You are a rock and you have been the silent leader in our family. I am very thankful for you and for the fact that now you are a Papa as well and I know without a doubt that Matthew is thankful for you. Through the years you have been constant, faithful, involved, and a the hardest worker I know. I always knew you were working hard to be able to provide for your family. The long nights, trips, phone calls during Thanksgiving were all taken with our best interest at heart. You have always put your family first and have given me an example of what it looks like to work hard both at work and at home.
I know that you have prayed for me daily, because you've told me but also because I just know. You have given me an understanding, that many don't have, of what a committed, loving and concerned Daddy should be. I've never doubted that at all. I also have an understanding of how God loves me and how I can approach Him because I feel like it would be just like talking to you. There is acceptance, love and grace there.
We are alot alike, which has made for some interesting times of working together. One thing we have in common is we like to work alone because no one can do it as good as we can....ha! But its hard being magnanimous, right?!?!!? Anyways, I know that alot of the confident, complete, focused and hard working woman I am today is because of the example and teachings that you've given me. I'm thankful for all the lessons you have taught me and for the way you simply lived your life and let us watch you. That was probably the best learning of all. You are the most humble man I know and you are always quick to help.
Since being married, I have been happy to find that now I have two guys that love me a whole lot. You have accepted David as your own and have been there for him just as you are for me. I am very thankful for the relationship that you two have and that there is a level of respect and appreciation between you. You also adore Matthew, and vice versa with you. He is completely enamored with his Papa and talks of you often. It stuck with me that in the hospital after Matthew was born, that you didn't run over to Matthew, you came to me first to make sure I was good before you went and saw him. That meant alot to me.
You are the father that they should write books about and model after and teach others to be like. Not because you're perfect but because you are real, you are involved and you made, and still do, a conscience decision to love and serve your family. I'm thankful mostly for having the title Daddy's Little Girl and for still being able to feel safe in your arms and that I can always call you Daddy.
For you I am grateful.
You are a rock and you have been the silent leader in our family. I am very thankful for you and for the fact that now you are a Papa as well and I know without a doubt that Matthew is thankful for you. Through the years you have been constant, faithful, involved, and a the hardest worker I know. I always knew you were working hard to be able to provide for your family. The long nights, trips, phone calls during Thanksgiving were all taken with our best interest at heart. You have always put your family first and have given me an example of what it looks like to work hard both at work and at home.
I know that you have prayed for me daily, because you've told me but also because I just know. You have given me an understanding, that many don't have, of what a committed, loving and concerned Daddy should be. I've never doubted that at all. I also have an understanding of how God loves me and how I can approach Him because I feel like it would be just like talking to you. There is acceptance, love and grace there.
We are alot alike, which has made for some interesting times of working together. One thing we have in common is we like to work alone because no one can do it as good as we can....ha! But its hard being magnanimous, right?!?!!? Anyways, I know that alot of the confident, complete, focused and hard working woman I am today is because of the example and teachings that you've given me. I'm thankful for all the lessons you have taught me and for the way you simply lived your life and let us watch you. That was probably the best learning of all. You are the most humble man I know and you are always quick to help.
Since being married, I have been happy to find that now I have two guys that love me a whole lot. You have accepted David as your own and have been there for him just as you are for me. I am very thankful for the relationship that you two have and that there is a level of respect and appreciation between you. You also adore Matthew, and vice versa with you. He is completely enamored with his Papa and talks of you often. It stuck with me that in the hospital after Matthew was born, that you didn't run over to Matthew, you came to me first to make sure I was good before you went and saw him. That meant alot to me.
You are the father that they should write books about and model after and teach others to be like. Not because you're perfect but because you are real, you are involved and you made, and still do, a conscience decision to love and serve your family. I'm thankful mostly for having the title Daddy's Little Girl and for still being able to feel safe in your arms and that I can always call you Daddy.
For you I am grateful.
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